My Semester With God

I realized, that all my years in school, I have been dependent on myself when I'm supposed to be God-dependent. I had forgotten that Pops said cast ALL your cares on me, not some. He didn't say depend on me here and sort the rest out yourself, He said ALL 1 Peter 5:7 'pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there, for he always tenderly cares for you.' TPT

So that's the plan yeah?

I realized I had been completely self dependent with a sprinkle of God here and there. How? Well, I saw my last semester results and the first thing that came to my head was 'but I read' and I answered the questions very well, I was so sure of myself. My complains were so 'me' centered: if 'I' had done this, blah blah blah. Plus I couldn't even see a reason why my results were not what I expected them to be.

I noticed I was down but I made a choice not to complain or fall to sin to seek counterfeit comfort. Instead, I worshipped the Lord because what would all my complaints do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

So the second choice I made was to trust and do this new semester with God: sounds crazy but that's what faith is innit?  Don't get me wrong, I will read; as faith without works is dead James 2: 26 and faith accompanied with works finds it's full expression James 2: 22.

The whole; what do to, where to read, how to read, all God. I definitely still have a part to play (be attentive in class, write notes, read) and I must pay attention to Pops' directions, in order to move in accordance with His will.  I still don't know the proper balance yet, because I'm learning on the job: what I know is, you put God first, and every other thing aligns.

My first day in school, my friend told me we had a test on the 13th of December and he was going to start reading on the first: I immediately said 'make we run am together' (let's do the reading together) and my mind was like 'don't you already have plans with God' and I said 'He hasn't told me anything yet, plus a lot has been done that I haven't caught up with and where do I even start', I realized then and there that I started to worry and made those plans out of fear and not trusting God. 

If you're going to do anything with God:

Tip 1: throw away your plans

Tip 2: He runs the clock

I already began to plan how I was going to do this and that completely leaving God out of the equation and I'm sure Dad was just looking at me from heaven like 'see this boy o'. I realized I did all of that out of pressure and fear I brought on myself by not trusting God, cause if I did I'd have just chilled and said 'God; you, run the play, tell me what to do' lean not on your own understanding hm?

Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

After talking to my friend, (different friend) I realized I had erred. Conviction had me in a chokehold, and I needed to talk to God. So I did, I left my classroom to pray about being more Intentional about trusting God. While praying I remembered a video I saw on YouTube about story of Job where God took Job on a virtual tour of the universe and shows Job how grand the world is, and God asks Job if He's even capable of running it or understanding it just for a day. He shows Job how much detail there is in the world, things that we might see everyday but really don't understand at all. But God does, He knows it all intimately. He pays attention to the beauty and operations of the universe in ways that we haven't even imagined and in places that we will never see and I thought to myself, "He has all of this in His hands, but of all this, He chooses to love me? 

He makes sure these things don't go out of order, how much more me that he loves, that was made in His Image? My life is in His hands, it WILL NOT go out of order!" 

He has all the control and Jeremiah 29: 11 tells us what His plans for us are so why not trust Him? (Yes, I'm asking you, what's your reason not to trust God?)

Your Father is in control of everything why are you choosing to worry, be scared or not trust Him? In that moment, I reminded myself of who Dad is, and decided not to worry. I know it's easier said than done but there's no better choice.

So I asked for forgiveness for worrying and not trusting Him and asked for help in trusting Him more. 

Addendum:

I have been worrying about a lot of other things and I've been depending on myself for a lot of things like this blog for example, I'm just the writer, the pen basically why am I worrying over what's God's? 

Last two weeks have been me complaining that I've not been working hard enough like I could ever earn what God gives me.